How to feel calm in the chaos of life

I am so deeply passionate that I do not want a single person to go through life and not feel alive. So I’ve written this email very much with this in mind, to help nudge you closer to that feeling. Because, quite frankly, life is too precious to spend it just surviving...

Would you agree, the ‘aspirational life’ is often portrayed as a balancing act of success, connection, and fulfilment? Yep? But for many of us, trying to achieve this 'perfect balance' can feel nothing short of overwhelming - anything but peaceful!

If your nervous system's capacity for calm is currently running low, or seemingly absent (you’ll feel this as never feeling quite at ease or relaxed), then just the regular demands of day-to-day life can increase your stress, heighten tension, and leave you feeling completely knackered, overwhelmed, and like you are constantly chasing your tail trying to get to a point where you can just switch off. Phew.

When your nervous system is struggling to find and feel peace, in amongst the chaos of life, it often manifests in specific patterns and behaviours. These aren’t just signs of 'stress' as you may think; they’re actually indicators that your nervous system is operating in overdrive. You are (likely unknowingly) overriding its natural capacity to regulate and reset, therefore you’re struggling to find any inner stability within the constant demands on your time and energy.

The good news? Your nervous system’s capacity for calm and peace can be rebuilt. Hooray!

It’s really important to understand that peace isn’t something you can simply think your way into though; it’s a physiological state your body ‘learns’ to hold when your nervous system feels safe and regulated.

Your 'state' (so the 'state' of your nervous system) actually creates your whole story, your whole experience of life. So that true inner peace and calm we are all longing to feel actually starts with addressing your nervous system, before you can even begin working with your mindset (this was news to me too when I got into this!). Nope, turns out you cannot 'think' or 'talk' your way into calm.

If any of this resonates, great! Because I’m very happy to tell you that you don’t have to stay stuck in this 'survival mode'. When you work with your nervous system, not against it, constantly overriding it, you create the foundation for a life that feels calm, steady and enjoyable, even when things inevitably get busy.

Here’s what that can look like:

• A calm that stays ever present inside you, even during the chaos of life.
• A calm inner state that lets you enjoy the present without constantly being on high alert for danger, the all too familiar “but what-ifs.”
• A calm that builds a solid foundation of safety and resilience from within - regardless of what’s going on outside of you.

You don’t have to push harder or “just cope” anymore, there’s a better way!

Now… No doubt you are reading this and thinking well it’s all very well and good me saying to you that this go-go-go energy isn’t good for us and we just need to work with our nervous systems to feel better, and I wholeheartedly know this to be true. But, you are still likely thinking “Well how do I get there?”

First I need you to understand this. Go-go-go energy is us stuck in our sympathetic nervous system, what you might know better as the fight-or-flight state. A state we’re only supposed to be in for 20 minutes at a time. It’s a state our nervous systems naturally kick into when it feels we are under threat or in danger. The stress of life kicks us into that so very easily with all its demands. But, life happens…

Like you, I’m at a stage in my life where there are endless priorities and demands on my time. I have two children and all that goes with that (including the very gorgeous bits!), the clubs, the meals, the washing, making sure we’re spending time together. Parents, loved ones, friends, family, my own business, life admin… and let’s not forget pleasure for ourselves and keeping our bodies healthy too. It’s can feel a lot.

You know I love my routines, my commitment to my beautiful morning and evening routines, but even with all this, sometimes the day gets the better of us, everything feels urgent and we are left with that knotty stomached need to ‘DO’.

Fact is, there are some times, we have no option but to just go, go, go, to show up and get sh*t done. It’s a non-negotiable.

So how do we square the circle? How do we keep feeding our soul, nourishing our body and mind, getting that rest, and allowing ourselves to move into a calm, regulated state, when there is indeed so much to do?

Here’s the meat!

A little exercise for you: Ask yourself: What is it that’s telling you this has to get done right now? What would actually happen if you didn’t? Is it a genuine priority, or are you clearing jobs just to feel like you’ve got a ‘clear sheet’? Does ticking off that to-do list genuinely clear your mind, or does it just make space for new worries, new what-ifs about what could go wrong or what’s coming next?

One of those ‘needs’ you might be overlooking is YOU. Tending to yourself.

Fear and survival are great motivators, we’ve evolved that way. But just because you can keep going doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

What brings you joy, and why is that always secondary to how much you can ‘get done’?

Hear this!

When we push through from a place of fear and survival, it feels like we ‘need’ to do everything. How about reframing that: “I’m ‘choosing’ to do this because it’s what I need.”

Starting to approach life from the inside out - I’m doing this because I want to for me, rather than I’m doing this because I have to because it’s what’s expected of me?

And this switch is accessed by learning to regulate your nervous system, when you are feeling dysregulated…

Want to see what dysregulation can look like?

• Shortness of breath
• Anxiety
• Racing heart
• Tight chest
• Sweaty palms
• Feeling jittery or on edge
• Butterflies in your stomach
• Restlessness (like you can’t sit still)
• Brain feels foggy or hard to focus
• Like you’re about to forget something important
• Constantly scanning for what could go wrong
• Tired but wired
• Clenched jaw or tense shoulders
• Feeling like you’re running out of time
• Difficulty switching off

Now… We all experience dysregulation, we should, it’s a great sign our nervous system is working to keep us safe, and it always will. But the key is to listen to it, to work in harmony with its messages and not ignore these signs and push through.

When you’re in a calm, regulated state, your body isn’t in fight-or-flight mode, scared and on high alert, instead it’s in a state of safety and peace. Lovely! From here, your brain can think clearly, your energy is consistent, and your actions come from a place of 'intention' rather than just 'reaction'. This is where true productivity happens, not from pushing harder, but from being steady, calm and focused; in your own life and choosing it.

So, before you do dive into that to-do list, please try taking a little time to ground yourself and regulate yourself first. This puts you into a calm state, where your body feels safe, at ease, and ready to think clearly. From here, I suggest you identify and tackle your top three priorities for the day, no more. You’ll get what actually needs doing done without the ‘push, push, push’ energy that’s keeps your body stuck in survival mode.

I reiterate… I do not want a single person to go through life and not feel alive.

We get one shot at this life. Just one. Let’s not waste it stuck in survival mode when we have a choice not to. Make space for your calm. Your passions. Your peace. You can get things done AND feel alive, regulated, and at ease.

If you need help with this, take this opportunity for YOU. **Use this link to book in for a 1:1 Nervous System Power Hour together. This is time for you to uncover what’s really affecting how you’re feeling and showing up day to day. Together we’ll identify where your nervous system is holding you back and explore practical, simple, tailored practices you can integrate into your life and begin using straight away.

Let's get you into a steadier way of living, where you can enjoy your work and life in a way that feels truly good to you.

Have a calm week, you lot.