It’s not the load that breaks you down

My dear friend, cousin, and client, Bridget (@the.cut.flower.club) sent me this quote on Wednesday. We’d been WhatsApp-ing early that morning. We both have our own online businesses, and we both ‘get it’ in the same way.

That same night, I was hosting a party at mine for my mum’s 78th birthday—20 people (Bridget and her family were coming too). At the point of WhatsApp-ing, I was at my laptop, in the middle of preparing the slides for my talk at Ideas Fest (eek!).

I told her I had cooked the roast beef already—it went in at 6:30 a.m, ready for cold slicing later! I still needed to buy a side of salmon, make a couple of salads, get drinks in the fridge etc and I’d bought various bits from M&S. I was very much looking forward to a lovely walk to get all these things—the kids would get fresh air with me—did I mention I had both of them home too? Fresh air, movement, and productivity all rolled into one—very much my vibe. I had cleverly decided to have a local catering company make a few salads too, to ease the pressure so we could just enjoy it all.

But as I WhatsApped Bridget, I was feeling quite overwhelmed, to say the least. I thought it was because of all the jobs I had outstanding that day… as I looked at the crumbs all over the kitchen floor, the washing baskets still full on the kitchen table ready to be actioned, and the hallway in need of a quick spruce to be ready for visitors.

But life is always busy, isn’t it? If it’s not one thing, there’s always another. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love a full life—I choose for it to be so. It’s busy, but with all the things I love. However, early on Wednesday, that was not how I was feeling…

Let me just set the scene—it is now Friday, 6 p.m. Yet again, I’m using my favourite tip, the transcribe feature on my Notes app, to write this email while I slice a large head of cauliflower, ready to mix it with turmeric and roast it in the oven. I’ve been ‘busy’ all day again, but this is how I fit it in in a way I really, really enjoy.

You should also know I’ve had in my plans all day to end it with a gorgeous, relaxing Epsom salt bath, maybe a guided meditation, or maybe just silence. (Knowing that’s coming is dreamy!). My husband is away until Monday, so I’m alone with the children today again whilst working, etc., but I don’t feel overwhelmed today. So what was really going on on Wednesday?

And that’s where this wonderful quote came in and really got me thinking.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”

It’s much like a lot of the stuff I teach and do—I teach it because, in life, I’ve most needed to learn it! Everything is really how you frame it in your mind. Our thoughts are not facts; they’re just beliefs. And what are beliefs? They’re just ideas backed up with some form of ‘evidence’ to support them, and that evidence can be something you’ve heard, seen, experienced previously, or read. It doesn’t mean it’s fact.

So when I was feeling overwhelmed on Wednesday, I was convinced I was overwhelmed (like an illness) because I had ‘so much to do’…

That was until Bridget sent that quote!

It made me stop and do what I always do naturally now, when I feel myself in an unhelpful energy. I immediately opened my mind to self-awareness (self-awareness is the first step in the SHIFT Life Design system—it is the "S" of SHIFT!).

I became aware of how I was feeling, what I was telling myself, and why I was thinking these thoughts and feeling these feelings. Why did I have overwhelm in my body?

When I broke it down, I had plenty of time to achieve everything I needed to, in quite a relaxed fashion, while still setting up for the party and enjoying it all. So what was the problem?

Really, I’ll tell you exactly what it was. I was getting nervous about my talk, and I was letting that infiltrate every other area of my life! Interesting, hey?

Even more interesting is, again, can you hear how I told you ‘I was getting nervous’ about my talk when, really, when I think about being on that stage, I’m incredibly excited.

The nerves and the overwhelm I was feeling were not really about the event itself—it’s because I haven’t practised it all the way through yet, timed it, and got it just right. (It’s fine! We have time!). I was feeling anxious about the unknown, worrying about the "what-ifs," albeit subconsciously.

Thanks to Bridget sending me that quote at just the right moment, and recognising I needed to stop and build some self-awareness as to what was going on, I was able to identify what was actually causing that discomfort in my body.

The best bit? Once you have identified these things, you can start to break them down into what’s actually real and what’s just spiralling thoughts. From here you can process it.

From this point of awareness, I wrote myself a lovely, clear, really simple structure to show myself I have plenty of time to practise the talk until I’m really happy with it. I will practice as I drive, as I walk, as I train, as I cook… Perfect for me!

My point is this: Just giving myself those few moments of time to go inside and build that self-awareness created such a sense of calm that it infiltrated the rest of my day, instead of that overwhelm feeling that was threatening to ruin it at the start!

It allowed me to enjoy not only preparing all the food and setting up the food display for the party but also the whole evening, surrounded by my most loved family and friends, watching my mum truly happy, having hysterics to the point of crying, and being together—that community connection that we need to live a life we truly love. I went to bed that night thinking, “Wow, I really do live a life I truly love living.”

So, what I hope this email serves to do is to show you that we all feel stress, anxiety, and overwhelm and have to-do lists coming out of our ears. But when you really learn these tools—when you learn to find calm from the inside out, when you know what your values are in life and you live in alignment with them (one of mine is very much family)—then you really do create a life you love living despite what’s going on in the world outside. And these tools are free and easy to use if you take the time now to get them under your belt.

Incidentally, I transcribed all that into my phone before I’d even put the cauliflower in the oven! In it goes… and off I go, hopefully leaving you reflecting on the things I’ve mentioned here.

And if you’re struggling with any of the feelings here, if you feel triggered by any of it, or if you feel you’d like to be able to access this calmer space more easily too, I’m only ever on the end of a call. You can book a free 15-minute call with me here. Always.